The dark past

Having talked about said classmate, I shall talk about something locked and tugged away in the deep recesses of my brain.

Making friends was not so sunny and rosy for me in the past too. (In primary school) I had 2 friends. Both of which I still keep in contact although I seldom talk to one nowadays. I used to blame it on my sucky classmates. ( Many didn’t make it to the affliated secondary school and those who did are snobbish elitist who label themselves “cool”. ) Perhaps I was at fault too as there has to be a reason for children to hate each other. Most likely, childish, stupid reasons.

What was most hurtful were the badmouthing and namecalling done right behind you (sometimes in front), inevitably ending up in “trash-bin” project groups and often alone during recess. It has a pretty bad 3 years. ( Yes! They were my classmates for the last 3 years of primary school!) Although I had 2 friends, they belonged to cliques. ( which hated me ) I guess they sympathised me then. (Or I’d like to think they saw something good in me ) Despite all that, I kept everything inside and not telling a single person of authority to help me with it.

Perhaps, a child psychologist would suspect that I have been damaged by those 3 years. I can’t deny that. Sometimes, when I walk along town or campus and see them walk past me in the opposite direction, I can’t help but feel bashful about how they still look at me with recognition and maybe they still remember the dark past. Nevertheless, there are a few who would initiate polite greetings. That experience shaped a great part of who I am today. I take on the mentality that there are 3 kinds of people: those whom you can’t get along with, acquaintances and sustainable friendship. Yes, three different kinds with three different attitudes to cope with them.

1) Those you can’t get along with: If anyone can get along with everyone, they probably have multiple personalities and are having an inner struggle with their identity. If from the start, the person shows it clearly that we belong to different groups, walk away. If interacting with anyone brings discomfort or the values they embrace is an offending contradiction to mine, avoid them or be truly nasty so they’ll leave me alone. Minus them away, there are still many others that you’ll meet who won’t be in this category.

2) Acquaintances: Nice people I seldom meet or have little share experiences with. They have the possibility of moving into sustainable friendship. Chances are, I won’t contribute money to their bday presents when asked. =x

3) Sustainable friendship: A very broad category with varying degrees of closer friendship. I have more concern for them.    The closer you are, the more I’ll share with you my thoughts, jokes, observations and life.

I believe that everyone will face social problems at least once in their life and that there’s always a balance in life. The later you face it, the harder it is for you to learn to cope with it and a greater tendency to self denial. Who says those who put themselves in the “cool cliques” are truly happy? I doubt having similarly bimbotic and snobbish friends makes one happy. Or spending hours putting on cosmetics to keep up with the “cool” look or spending money you don’t have on clothes or spending most of your life practicing how to bitch about others. There will come a time where these skills expire and they’ll be looked upon as childish. That’s when the balance of life returns the favour.

5 thoughts on “The dark past

  1. yayy so touched =)). but i also guess that it feels quite sucky not to keep up with certain things much as it is retarded to.

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