Life can only be understood backward. It must be lived forward.

I watched “The curious case of Benjamin Button” today. My first thought after finishing the show was “Oh hell! I wasted my youth studying!” To a large extent, it is true for a lot of us since we spent most of our life in the pursuit of qualifications and were told that it is the door to a good life. Is it worth it? Have we been urged to plan too much into the future that we lose track of the here and now?

Thinking back, perhaps the past 2 decades have not been such a waste as I’ve had my good share of winning trophies, gossiping about boys, forming friendships and splurging on good food (Just some of the things teenage girls do). The period of adolescence would not have been complete without them and it will be inapproriate for a woman to do some of the above listed things. Although going into the academic persuit again will open up my career, I am rather reluctant to do so as it will mean another 2 – 4 years of wasted youth. Some things can only be savoured and appreciated while we are at the appropriate time of our life. Just as we will never appreciate a lollipop the same way as we did when we were 4, time, once lost is gone forever. I guess there are so much I’ll like to do before I can look back and say “hey, I lived a fulfilling life as a young adult. I did what I could only do as a young adult.”

Introspection

Introspection is important. It helps people mature and become better persons.

Newton’s third law of motion states that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. If you find yourself surrounded by many but alone,  it is most likely your action and not the action of others which leads to your predicament.

We only live once in this world

The strange thing about life is how people become famous only after they pass away. I’m sure we can cite a few examples. One that struck my mind is Otto Warburg, the man who came up with theories about cancer which were vehemently disproved by many scientists at that point in time but gaining attention in recent years. Another is Jesus who died on the cross for the sins of man. So it seems the only way to be remembered in history is to either make a contribution to science or die a gruesome death. One thing they both have in common is the fact that greater fame was attributed to them after death.

Today, I came home to a fb notification about “remembering Melissa Toh“. Someone who struck fame because of her death. After reading the dedicated page and a bit of searching on the web, I found out that she had committed suicide because of a relationship that wasn’t going well. She look beautiful. I’m sure she’ll have no lack of suitors even if her relationship didn’t work out. It’s silly yes, it’s stupid double yes. But more than that, it’s selfish. Because she chose to make that guy live with the guilt with the rest of his life (if he has a conscience that is). More so, she chose to let her parents live with the grief. Just to end her grief? But how sure is she that the other side of life is better? In organ scarce world she chose to destroy her physically being by jumping off a building and creating a mess! The smart thing to do is to move on and prove to the guy that he made a wrong choice in dumping her and that she deserves someone better and she will get someone better (there’s always someone better out there!).

The wall posts on the page had messages from strangers as well as friends saying how much she has touched their lives and wishing that she’ll rest in peace and “I’m sure you’re with God somewhere now”. It’s so ironic! If she had received all these support and love messages while she was alive, she probably wouldn’t have commited suicide. Are people writing such things because it is just the right thing to write? Maybe it is more for the living to overcome their loss than for the dead to see?

I think that in our twisted adolescence minds, many would have contemplated suicide before. Some had more serious thoughts about them than others. But life is never about what ifs, it shouldn’t be. Life should be about what’s next? There are so many people who are struggling to live. People with diseases, people facing poverty, civilians in war torn countries… Such are the people who are more deserving of a page with love messages decided to them.

As an aspiring scientist, it’ll be great to be remembered for a fascinating discovery (if I were to ever come up with one) but if I were to ever leave due to unforeseen circumstances (-touch wood- I did touch my table), I hope no one EVER creates a stupid fb page for me. With that said, let’s tell our friends and family how much they mean to us whenever we can.

Safety first

It seems there are several people I know who knows this girl.

If you’ve read the article, maybe you’re thinking “such a pity, she’s still so young” or “she’s an angel who is so selfless”. I do agree that it is sad for someone so young to pass on due to a car accident. Her friend’s testimonies of her online is no doubt shows what a good friend she had been and a role model for others to emulate in terms of giving the gift of life.

But wait, could such a tragedy be prevented? I chanced upon her blog (which coincidentally and rather eerily titled “joie de vivre”).  On Dec 14 2009, she wrote “And you know what? I drove back home with the car lights off People were honking and I thought they were honking at other people”. Now, that’s just setting the stage for disaster isn’t it?

Dreams

The world is so big and I have yet to see it.

I remember entering uni with dreams and plans but they didn’t materialize in the end.

Now, as I’m leaving this place in a few months time, I want to chase my dreams.

I feel like an outlier, a datapoint that stands out starkly from it’s neighbours.