Getting results has never been an easy time for anybody. Some are just affected by pure nerves; some are afraid of facing the reflection of their work for that semester, be it guilty with the knowledge that they could have put in more effort or saw the direction their results has been heading through the course of the semester and dreading the destination; for some it’s just the finality of it all, becoming part of statistics mostly based on who’s the most academically bulimic.
Result day bring a different kind of dread for me. I’ve often said I’m the type who felt the nerves in the exam hall and recognized the finality once I relinquish my script, all the discussion and worrying and well-wishes after that means nothing. I’ve always been blessed or gifted to perform decently enough without putting in as much effort as the rest of my peers. I’ve yet to figure out the secret to my success but this brings us back to what I dread about results day.
I did well this semester, better than I expected, actually matching my best semester ever in NUS, back in my first semester of my first year. While I did well, like the only employee in the company who got a raise, there’s little reason or place for cheer when I find out some of my peers are down; it just leaves a kind of empty, twisted feeling of having achieved success yet without a proper outlet for celebration. While you can sympathize with your friends, there are others you don’t pity for failing their classes, somehow being friends give them special privileges.
I’m not a good consoler but I listen and spewing a few cliches is not yet beyond me. Above all else, I’m a realist and believer of reaping what you sow. As long as your grades match your expectations with some variance, you should be happy; I learnt that if you expect the worst, you usually get pleasant surprises now and then, that’s probably how I remain sane in this ultra-competitive world. Then again there are those who can be said to be delusional, expecting a dispropotionate return in results for the effort put in. The worst are probably those who decide to channel the blame externally, probably believing that everyone is against them and there’s a conspiracy against them ever scoring well. Maybe these people need help or at least counselling of sorts.
This is my last real break, the next one would probably be the one where I spend my time job hunting if I haven’t had one by then. Sometimes I still have difficulty accepting the fact that I spent my last long holiday chairing the faculty’s orientation projects. I’m looking forward to finally leaving 16 years of academia behind and finally hopefully doing something I like full-time. The recent economy gloom does create a omninous sense of foreboding, it doesn’t help that my degree doesn’t put me in the optimum position for my ideal career choice. I should probably inquire about the technical course I’m interested in soon.
With that, I hope everyone got the grades they expected; if it was beyond your expectations, I offer my congratulations; if it fell below your expectation, knowledge and acknowledgement of the source of the problem is half the battle of turning things back towards the right direction in the future.
Oh yes, Merry Christmas.