Life after exams

It’s been a few days since my last paper. From then till now, I’ve been settling a few admin matters with regards to work. My boss requires that I familiarize myself with what I need to do before I start. It seems he has given me a short deadline to do so. Oh well, but it beats hanging around worrying about finances and not having a job. Unlike most of my peers who get to go on grad trip, I do not have the liberty to do so. The first would of course be I’m a poor student who just finished my education and the second would be my parents do not support me financially with that. I can understand the predicament they are in. We’re not wealthy folks. Kris is going to a few places and stretching her dollar by staying in hostels over there. Although the places she’s going sounds really exciting, I’m not the person who’ll settle for hostel overseas. Anyhow, Kris, I hope you’ll have a blast over there and come back safely!

After 1 plus year of not going for many invited gatherings because of projects, exams or fyp, I just want to head out and meet people now! We watched Iron man 2 yesterday, 4th row from the front. I didn’t expect it to be that near. It’s a great movie! My nose was leaking crazily in the theatre. Subby sent me home after the movie, bought panadol and sugar cane drink. ღ

Time to play games and waste the day away!

We only live once in this world

The strange thing about life is how people become famous only after they pass away. I’m sure we can cite a few examples. One that struck my mind is Otto Warburg, the man who came up with theories about cancer which were vehemently disproved by many scientists at that point in time but gaining attention in recent years. Another is Jesus who died on the cross for the sins of man. So it seems the only way to be remembered in history is to either make a contribution to science or die a gruesome death. One thing they both have in common is the fact that greater fame was attributed to them after death.

Today, I came home to a fb notification about “remembering Melissa Toh“. Someone who struck fame because of her death. After reading the dedicated page and a bit of searching on the web, I found out that she had committed suicide because of a relationship that wasn’t going well. She look beautiful. I’m sure she’ll have no lack of suitors even if her relationship didn’t work out. It’s silly yes, it’s stupid double yes. But more than that, it’s selfish. Because she chose to make that guy live with the guilt with the rest of his life (if he has a conscience that is). More so, she chose to let her parents live with the grief. Just to end her grief? But how sure is she that the other side of life is better? In organ scarce world she chose to destroy her physically being by jumping off a building and creating a mess! The smart thing to do is to move on and prove to the guy that he made a wrong choice in dumping her and that she deserves someone better and she will get someone better (there’s always someone better out there!).

The wall posts on the page had messages from strangers as well as friends saying how much she has touched their lives and wishing that she’ll rest in peace and “I’m sure you’re with God somewhere now”. It’s so ironic! If she had received all these support and love messages while she was alive, she probably wouldn’t have commited suicide. Are people writing such things because it is just the right thing to write? Maybe it is more for the living to overcome their loss than for the dead to see?

I think that in our twisted adolescence minds, many would have contemplated suicide before. Some had more serious thoughts about them than others. But life is never about what ifs, it shouldn’t be. Life should be about what’s next? There are so many people who are struggling to live. People with diseases, people facing poverty, civilians in war torn countries… Such are the people who are more deserving of a page with love messages decided to them.

As an aspiring scientist, it’ll be great to be remembered for a fascinating discovery (if I were to ever come up with one) but if I were to ever leave due to unforeseen circumstances (-touch wood- I did touch my table), I hope no one EVER creates a stupid fb page for me. With that said, let’s tell our friends and family how much they mean to us whenever we can.

Your life isn’t that bad


Image via Wikipedia

In my quest to show everyone (especially the OH-MY-LIFE-SUCKS-KILL-ME-NOW whiners) that there’s always someone with a shitier life, I’m gonna share anecdotes from FML. Here’s some for today:

Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of MAYO on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit.

Today I was studying for a final when I noticed all I had was a blue highlighter. I decided to drive to the store to get a yellow one, and on the way i got $200 worth of traffic tickets for not stopping at a stop sign. So, I basically spent $200 because I prefer yellow highlighters over blue.

Today, during dress rehearsal before the show, I came in with crutches pretending I broke my leg as a joke. I then threw away the crutches, laughed and then fell down some stairs. I am now in crutches with a broken leg. I was the lead.

CSI 901: For Warrick

(Sara and Grissom are watching the DVD of Warrick’s custody hearing)
Woman: So what makes you think that you’d be a good father? You were raised by your grandmother. You never even knew your biological father.
Warrick: Which is exactly why Eli needs to know his. Look, the most important thing you need to know about how to raise a child is how give a child love, and I’ve been loved. He says I’ve always tried to be a good man, and I’ve screwed up. And when I have there’s always been one man in my life to set me straight. I’ve learned a lot from him, how to be fair, how to forgive, … how to be inspired, how to inspire others.
Woman: Sounds like a special person.
Warrick: He is. If I could’ve picked my own father, I’d picked him. (Grissom is clearly touched and saddened at the same time)

Of Leadership

It’s been more than a week since the end of camp and everyone must have talked about it til death yet I’ve been strangely quiet about the whole event. I’m not sure if I’m jaded, detached or for whatever else reason, somehow I just don’t feel the attachment to Xcalibur 08. Someone (I think it’s Isaac) once told me that the 2 camps that’d be most memorable to you will be the one you attended as a freshman and then as a group leader. True indeed, I remember fondly Yo-A-Ke and Chiarimento. Emerga of last year seems like a whiff of a dream, barely conjuring an imagery from my mind.

It’s not that the camp was bad; I am in fact very proud of my guys who broke new grounds, attempted novel ideas and more so for carrying them out well. I will also remember the new faces and names, especially those who came to help in the float sessions, though there’d always be people who wave at me once semester starts, only to get a puzzled look in return.

Over the past several months, I’ve questioned myself on numerous occasions the meaning of being a leader. Having no student leader experience before university and not much of a team to leader when I was the Comms Director, the appointment of Freshment Orientation Projects Director was possibly the first real foray for me in leadership. There were some expectations on my part when I first agreed to oversee the orientation activities but it never prepared me for the amount of work and actuality of it. There are some things I can’t fulfill and time I have to spend away from family and loved ones but this isn’t a new problem to me, is it? Although we’re only roughly half way through the projects, I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel. There is no regrets for doing what I’m doing, as with everything else I’ve done in life, and I’m enjoying every bit of it.

Back to the topic of being a leader, there are times when I feel lonely as a leader; the solitary person in that position, one shared by none yet looked upon by everyone else. I’ve learnt that is doesn’t have to be that way, as I can always turn to the people I work with and the people I have around me. The more I make myself less alone, the more likely the team is able to come together as a family and less likely I’ve seen as the authoratative bad guy. The school sent us on the Dale Carnegie course and it’s all well and good; all of us can pick up any self-help book or read on the Internet to improve people skills and learn how to be a leader. We’re always told to lead by example, to motivate, to set visions, to solve problems, to achieve goals. Something I’ve learnt through the months that I realise isn’t said enough about leaders is the need to inspire people, to dispense confidence and to groom new leaders.

One problem faced every year is probably the seeking of new blood to take the reins of the Management Committee. One year isn’t a long time, neither is it too short for one to learn the ropes to take it to the next level. Have we trully been that busy handling projects and tasks that we couldn’t pass on our knowledge to some new folks, to show them the way? I think not. Are leaders then just selfish and paranoid that they’re unwilling to see someone else take their places, even though it’s inevitable? Even if someone else seats where they are today, the new guy should never outshine the old bird? If this is the way, maybe it’s time for a little change.

I’d like to think of a leader as being an illusion; here I am telling people to do what they already know to do, giving advice which should already be common sense, telling them they can do it when deep down somewhere they should never doubted themselves. Leaders are but humans and shouldn’t be worshipped on a pedestal; one day the follower too will step up and he will think to himself, “Hey, this isn’t that bad afterall.” More often than not, the first step is always the easiest, after that, you just hang on for the ride. Right now, I’m enjoying the ride, knowing that some day it might end but before it does, I hope I can inspire some to take it with me. That is why it never fails to bring a smile to my face when someone steps out of his comfort zone to do something he never thought he could or enjoy doing.

Of Friends, Fashion, MSN and Sunburn

Very often Some times, we hear complains such as “I’m doing a project with X, he’s so hard to work with!” or “I’m housemates with Y, I thought it’d be such a great idea but she’s such a bitch to live with!” while all the X’s and Y’s are supposed good friends. I guess I’m fortunate that my experience with such has been kept to a minimum.

It’s no big secret that I’m very selective with my friends or rather who I’d actually label as a “friend”. It’s not that I’m an anti-social, introverted, unfriendly, weird or paranoid- ok, maybe just a little paranoid. The problem came about just because those people so readily and easily accept anyone as a friend. What they end up with are armies of fair weather or hi-bye friends. At the end of the day, I don’t think it’s the number of friends you have that matter but the quality of your friends. What you need are “4am friends” who’d be there when it’s the wee hours of the morning and you’re drunk, stuck in jail or a combination of both.

If you ask me, I’d say you don’t really know someone until you’ve lived with them, seen them interact with their family and friends or go through with them on a huge project or trying time. Some times even knowing them for extended periods of time doesn’t cut it. The concept of how it takes minutes to meet someone, months to know them and decades to live with them stands true.

On a lighter note, I’d share what I’ve noticed when I’m out and about these couple of weeks. I know I’m not the fashion guru or anything remotely close but I can’t help but chuckle at somethings I’ve noticed. FBT shorts isn’t an appropriate piece of bottom for anything other than sports. It’s short just for that specific reason of greater flexibility during sporting activities, not because it shows off the leg well. Someone should put out a notice that guys and elephants should be banned from even being in public with those on… And the girls, with all the money they spend on their makeup and branded school bags, you’d think they have enough to spend on some decent street wear.

Tights and leggings seem to be the rage for some time now. Probably originating from the fashion pioneers in Japan, some people love it, others simply scoff at anyone who walks past them with the skirt-on-tights-on-underwear get-up. I don’t really have any personal qualms about the trend but I thought I’d do a public service but letting everyone know how silly it is to wear a top and tights of the same colour. It creates the strange image that looks like the person is wearing a leotard. It’s the same concept as a guy wearing a white shirt with a pair of white socks, you’d think the shirt runs all the way to his feet. Whenever I see someone in a black top, black tights and a skirt, I can’t help but remember the images of those chimps in ballerina tutus. At the end of the day, some people just like to draw attention to themselves, even they have to look like human-ape crosses, who am I to stop them..?

I just previewed the post and wow, it’s pretty darn long but let’s go on anyways.

Back on the topic of friends, MSN messenger help realize the dreams of many people when they gave us a personal message as well as a high character limit display name. While some don’t see the point, it has become a mini blog for some. Let’s face it, nobody most people don’t give a crap whether you cut your hair today, bought a new shirt, baked a purple pandan cake of jello, feel like the entire world has let you down, need a girlfriend so badly that you think that the core problem is you’re not a bad ass punk enough for girls to like you. Personally, neither do I care if you sang 31.4159 songs at the karaoke today, did 12304 flying squirrel kung fu kicks til date or took 34905849583409584 breaths since the day you were born.

Well, anyone could say I could just not read all those ridiculously long, meaningless wall of text on my instant messenger and right they are. Then it dawned upon me that what these people need are some friends or perhaps some or a whole lot of tender loving care. Little did they know that they’re doing it wrong. People don’t really care about you, they care about themselves. Perhaps some would pretend to care enough to ask if you’ve completed your 1233rd lap around your estate but when you reply no and go on to proudly add that you’ve spent the time finding out the birthdays of everyone on your contact list, I’m not sure if it’d progress beyond a “Wow… ok…” but personally I’d be a little creeped out.

If I could some advise, it’d be to actually talk to people, not stalk them… if you make enough conversation about them to make it last to when they think of you as a friend, maybe they’re start talking to you even without having to tell everyone the number of times girls have put you into their BFF basket, entirely bypassing the BF spot.

Anyway, I thought of all the weird, creepy examples above from the corner of my demented mind, resemblance to anyone on anyone’s contact list is purely a coincidence.

Lastly, I’d just like to advocate the usage of sun block. We just had our pre-camp last weekend and what looks to be a cloudy morning turned into the hottest afternoons I’ve experienced in a while. My arms are in such a different shade from my body that you’d think you could separate them or they’ve been stitched together by Dr Frankenstein. I also learnt (the hard way) that the sun from Sentosa is strong enough give you blisters on your skin and that you can use tea, milk, tomatoes, potatoes and vinegar as sunburn remedies.

Well, if you’ve reached this point of the post, there are several possibilities:

  1. you skipped the entire entry
  2. you missed my long, crazy ramblings and read the entire chunk like a pro and probably deserve an award
  3. you’re bored and trying to waste some time while at work (shame on you)

Regardless of which option, don’t forget to take care, drink lots of water, eat your greens and use sun block. Peace- Subby out

Life is good

The results were released today and both our CAP improved :) That was a super big relieved for me as I’ve been having pre-result symptoms ever since the big scare in sem 1.

The thought that I’ve completed half my degree hasn’t quite settled into my mind yet. After 2 years, I’ve finally understood what my major is about and the possible job scope that I would have in the future. Most people who hear of what I’m studying will raise their brows and asked what’s that? or what’s your job prospects? It’s actually quite worrying to not be able to explain to others what you’re studying or even whether the market is large enough to embrace you. The local market is rather small. There’s only 2 research institutes that I’ve heard of so far. But there’s definitely space for development overseas. If all else fails, there’s always this place that the locals in the faculty can go and even the local market for programmers in general is quite large.

I took up a freelancing programming job this hols and it’s challenging and yet interesting at the same time. Best part is I work at night in my room. LOL. Things are looking pretty good for me this hols. I’ve found something to keep me busy, there’s float building and camp coming up. Life is stable.

To Subby, the first to wish me on this day, my special someone.

To Papa bear, whom I haven’t seen in a while and still remembers.

To Kris, the best friend I grew up with.

To Sister bear and Mama bear, it’s nice to hear your laughters in the morning.

To Emily, someone who made a difference for me in pri sch.

Thank you so much! For the messages and calls so late at night and so early in the morning. :)

You make a difference to my life and today started off good because of you! (It got me away from the lonely webcast watching.)

Love ya all and meet up soon.

X days to de day

Just finished a very nerve wrecking report. It’s suppose to give us a feel of how it’s like to be a researcher. It was a fun module, the only bad thing is the report writing and tricky test questions. Now that this load’s off, it’s time to get started for the exams.

We got a hair cut yesterday. Mine being quite a drastic one. It looks nice over there…but due to my laziness and
inability to tame my hair, it has become rather rebellious (as usual).

This post got a little sidetracked from the intended title. I believe most people look forward to their “de day” as one which opens up new horizons. I remember pondering on how it’s like to finally reach de day when I was at a single digit. Now that I’m here, it doesn’t seem to be that life changing or whatever it’s suppose to be. It’s just how much change you want. What did come along is shared responsibility. We were protected from it when we were curious and young. It’s uncountable how many times you’ve heard “you’ll know when you grow up”. But now you don’t want to know do you?

So what change do I want?
I should stop looking sixteen. Hmm…that’ll that some time.

Justice vs Power

Interesting class in philosophy which discusses justice and power. By simplistically assuming that what’s just is what’s right, a problem arises that one simply has to be just to rise in power. This is because since that guy is right, he’d be the best choice to lead. This follows that in order to obtain power, one has to do the right thing, which of course isn’t very just.

Considering everyday event, one can rise to power through doing the right and just thing. A power-hungry person can as easily pretend to be doing the right thing to eventually rise to power. This is a very touchy issue and can actually be applied to many different aspects of every day life.

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